she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
