Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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