It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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