If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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