Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
