I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
