Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
