my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
