I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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