I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
