You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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