you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
