went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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