Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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