New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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