first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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