I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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