Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
