So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
