Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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