I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
whose parrot is this?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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