Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
