Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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