it glows. i had to have it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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