I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
