Me too!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
