she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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