I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
