she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
