then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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