is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
