I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
