hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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