his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
