Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
