Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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