So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
