Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
