Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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