Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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