you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
