Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
