Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
