I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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