There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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