I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
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He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
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I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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