i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
