there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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