You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
