a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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