I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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