i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
