My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
