the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
