Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I wish I only lived at night.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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