i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
