Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
