Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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