at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
