just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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