True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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