the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
