i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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