Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
