I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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